just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
40s are totally the cure
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
