i think my tv is drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
