Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
