two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
