So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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