Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
