I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at about main and main street
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
