I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
