I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
