I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It was confusing and full of hummus
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
