I'm so fucking centered right now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
