I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
