I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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