So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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