How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
