Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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