dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
