So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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