she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
