So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
