I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
