my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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