What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wear drunk well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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