just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
