I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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