One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
