easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
