I feel like abortions should bother me more
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
