Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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