All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
