We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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