need another drink. this is the easiest way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
