I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
