Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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