cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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