We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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