Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
