If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
