if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
