I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
