After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
