Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
