wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't put those talents on a resume
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
