I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
