you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
