isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
