id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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