he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my shit smells like andre
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
