So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
