So drunk its hurt
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
