that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
